AN EXPERIMENT. ”

John Jones was telling his wire—they
haul not been married very long. by the
way-mum: a man Who came home one
Dlltbt Iodmnk that he had to lie down
on the floor while his wife pulled his
choc-s 06' {or him He lily) mentioned the
(art that this man's wife did not seem to
take her husband's condition to heart vex-y
badly but. made mthera Joke of it and
twltload him in the morning quite good
hurnuredly

"ouch a spirit..' remarked Jones.
"strikes me as being very creditable to a
woman It isn‘t cum-y man's wife who
rewards an occasional lapse so lcnicntly
.‘vow as you know. 1 am not a drinking
man but it i should get drunk one of
mm nights-4 say if [should—~how would
you Luke it?‘ And he watched her face
carclully as be asked the qucstion

Mrs Jonas laughed heartily The idea
set-mm tonmux-e her very much. but she
strumhicned out her features and assumed
a shocked cxprcsslon "i should be dis
Rusted. John. shc said. 'pcrfcctly dis-
um-tod Why. I shudder at the mere idea
at your being intonuitcd. You would
lose my respect. John right away. and
whatever you do you must never forfeit
that No. John. dear I could never stand
your being drunk"

.lohn hsnzncd with great, attention to
thts reply, and he came to the conclusion
that she didn t mean a ward of it He had
detected in the tone 0! her veice what he
stmnpcd in his mind a:- u {also note Jones
was SOiIictlllnH ol 1: rcuder 01‘ character
and in his own quict way he had been
studying the various phases of his wife‘s
disposition ever since they had been mur-
ricd twri years ago

Hc therefore dctcrmincd to see precisely
ho“ shc would conduct herself if he did
oomv homc drunk oncmuht, or rather.
if sin: thought him drunk, for he dccldcd
to simulate the condition in order to make
hu- UliN'rViltlons

llcur mc. murmured Mrs Jones. one
fllL’lil’. or early morning, about a week
Bit: 1 their COUW'K‘SHUOI) ulrcztdy noted. “1
,womlcr when» John can be' He 5 never
been «0 late belorc out playing poker I
loci «lulu.- liuxmus

l‘llc hour was 238. m., and Mrs Jones
was «mud in a chair with a book in her
hand. which she was not reading

Niddcnly she hwiru thc ruillc of a. key
in tlic lock oi the outcr door oi the liar.
and in 11 low ll‘lOlllL‘lllx licr cars noted the
sound or smut-thing stumbling along: the
mill rhc urcw pair and stood up The
parlor door was opcnctl With considerable
violence. and she saw—well. she could
scarcely believe her eyes at first Was this
but husband? The spectacle in the open
doorway was [but of a man with a battered
but torn coat and trousi-rs splashed with
wet mud H15 clothes simply rocked with
whiskv Hc gzizcd at. her “'lth blinking
eyes and his mouth trembled. and lccrcd at
her His eyeglasses were fastened on 00
his right ear

Lo"
‘Uh. John 1’ was all she could say

 

Lo, :il‘rlzi. hc rcpcutcd Lo' \V'ash
mu r? W y u got come 1) gimme iss,
licy'" 'l‘hcn he ClJIICkll‘d ‘Llcv?’ Inc said

uguin in a loud and ln-rcc [one oi voicc

‘Uh .lolin shc soul approaching min
“'llh reluctance "come into tho room. tor
“notifies: sake and close the door The
people in the flat above “'1“ hour you

‘U n can: l {boy do" he n-plicil. still
hanging on to thc knob unrl swaying about
uiisu-udllv ‘\\'ho cam-3' Ha. ha hu' Who
cares" ill-v’l bitl'

She cluscd the door. and he immediately
Sllppt‘d to the iloor with u thump She
sun-Nod him us he luv there With an ex-
prcssion on liar lace ilmt lmd m-wr been
llii-rc bclorc And thcu slic \vonilcrcil what
was to no donc As she wundcrcd. he
m'nlc two or tlirce spasmodic mowmcnts
us though trying to rise. but be lcll buck
cm h iimc ° b‘inzilly tic kissed his hand to
“UT :n u muudlin lushion hitting bimscll'
in this by c

l‘ull oil lllll‘lS' he commanded

bhc turned away With a. glance of nver- l

sion

Pull oil boots" in: rcpcutcd hanging
his lltti: on the cm'pct Slzc llcsliidt'l'. ior
mi in~mnt but UlM‘) cd him 'llmvctcr
did vuu not your cluihcs ull over mud that
way . she asked him

lluh‘ Uh. tcll u street-thwli how.‘
he rcplicd ”()lc shuit wash odds any
“I’ll"

.-\s u matter of fact. it really was an old
suit. and he bud insisted earlier in the
owning on wearing it to the poker mine.
somewhat to her surprise She rcmum
U'rcd it as he spokc

Come. .lohn she then said "Try and
get up Sm. it you no take hold of my
arm 1'“ tulle cure of you. dour Come
Then. 5 a good boyl' Her tone was quite
ailwtionzitc

ll St‘cliicd to have some effect on him.
lot lac rose without us much difficulty us
might have been expected though he loan
or: on her heavily She lcd him out to the
bathroom. "Gel; in the bath. now. dear. '
she said sweetly

'Ue n wot" he exclaimed.

"l‘hc bathtub be rcpt-aired

‘ But cr gommc clozo on he objected
looking at her

Uh. no. you huven l, .lohn, ‘ she told
him You think you have. but. you
haicu t t\ow gut in like '1 good boy '

Her argument svciuul ullllll:“’cl‘llllle to
him. so he luughul foolishly and slowly
climbed into the tub though in a hesitat
mg Kind of a way too He was no sooner
m than she grabbed his head. pushed it
under the tap and turned on the cold
water at. full force It took him so much
by surprise that he was at first motionless
but he soon commenced to struggle vio
lently in vain She held his head with
both or her hands. saying

it s an old suit of clothes. you know
.lclin You would wear them. and it won t
do theiua bit 01' harm—nor you either
dear

At this he gave a superhuman elfort. and
stood up straight in the bathtub

Herc. hex-c" he }'I'lil‘d "what the
cam anus Ihb mum." His enunciation
was verv clean indeed

Airs alarm .luuc-s laughed very heartily
12.10111

‘1 “'3: sobering you up dem- " she to
altod

Bur l'm not drunk!‘

fill-ally not drunk? You don t say sor’

'L‘crtmnly not.x l was only prctcnding
—--iu;1. to tool you”

~— v-»

‘Yes dour Iknow was 211» '
alum
l‘hen what in an nail“
did you do that for?’ he u. -
shock the water out of hi.~ un~
i "l‘o touch you notto tn iuill di‘1‘l\i
your Wife"

And when she left him almw mm mm
or {line hucknback tow-d.- ln- \‘nlilr n, the
.-- nt'lusicn that he would quit .‘tllklf‘lilfl
U’lr various phases 0! his “'lit' 2 r‘xmm'h'r

mm 1' ranrnsco Examiner

SILAS HUMBLE.

As i was drivin over the dusty road
which leads to the town of Busted Hopes
an milectin as l drn that goodness ullus
pay: at least 900151 the dollar i met afcllcr
pilgrim With a one boss outiit He was
also in the show bizncss He was e-showm
of a trick bug on sellin a cure lor sun
strain-s un trust bites When we had green
cd with other With that corilmlity which
is ullus ubszu'ved among the proloshun. he
winks at me an sez

“A combination oi mishunnry on show
D‘lzllL‘SS wouldn t be bad A trick box on
a pzlnornmy would bring out all clusscs.
suyln nutliin of the other curiosnics '

‘ Art thy object the elevashun of mun-
klild" scz l

'.\or so much as to ketch suckers. " 54:2
be. With chr-cri'ul frankness

"1 Wish tlicc well but hogs do not ele-
vntc i “‘1“ continue my labors single
hurl—led ,

His innuuuue to me as I drlv onward
was not tincturcd with respect nn 1 was
gricun ovcr the fact when i met up With
1: numbcr or men on lit-ssback 'l‘hcy Stop-
pvd un Imikrd me over an one of them
soothingly : 'z

“ i’cilcr critter. the man we was expectin
tn hlliiL'. today has gone dead on we are
lrlokiii fur ~mubody to tulle his place Bust:
any UlUl‘CtlUllS"

A low scz 1 ‘If I was woken away,
-thn Would be nobodyto run my panoramy
of the Holy Land, which is billed to show
toumrrl-r night in Busted HOpL'a [‘m
shnwm (but pnnorunly iur the moral elo-
vzuhun 0! my teller mcn ’
But we vc got to her somebody. ' he
5L2 us all looks disitppouitcd
'i'licn gallop on an uvurtuke the feller
in the one boss \'li;:l[l scz l 'Hc s got
:1 show but it mu t on clcizitin show .\0-
ball} who wuntcd to imikc mankind better
“ulllll bu Show in a trn k ling ‘
"l'bat : true ‘ sez he an away goes the
gang

i think they overtook the man an over—
run-i: ms thL‘CEICIlS. 12 he had any

limn us “'9 was both In the Show biz
11ch l lclt a. fraternal lcelir. fur him. an
yit u showman who is actuated by sordid
motives alone should not be allowed to
live out his career When i driv onward
ag‘m. i found myself suyin sich sayin’s as

" Vurchcw is its on n reward ‘

‘intcurity never Ship: 3 cog ‘

‘Bc upright an you won t be hung."

"l'ruc modesty ullu: gives the other fel-
lcr the rust chance '

l hei ugin added to the collcckshun,
nizikin up my grand ziggregashun of dead
on ll\l[l wonders on call uttcnshun as £01-
101‘.)

line stuft owl in placrd repose (dead)

(Jnc Sllllt prairie (log in ditto (dead)

0in Ukluliomu hornct (alive)

The bonnet and u bumblebee bev bin
pliiccd in the same cugi- tcgclhcr. tin the
inner-cont. umuscmcnt they \vill git out oi
tncklm cuch other Will please an interest
[lli‘ tcndci hcurtcd cliildrcn

lclon- my show opened at Busted Hopes

the mayor cum into that tent to satisfy

ll1~\i‘ll that then- wzts nutliin to (“grade

Llw morals oi the community He lound

i nutlim. an be grow-0d brothcrly un slapped
. mt- on the back an \Vllzkl‘ll his etc no sex

"l‘llc b or oi thcdn: is loud tur in.» into '

'As to it liicb dog" sw. i

‘As to any dog suz lic
wmk

'l'm-n l pondered an reflected an Drum,l
out we gullon mo in which i kct-pzi liquid
to wurd oil Sllll~ll'0l\i‘> ziu cyclones [t
\Vzh \\ but in: most dc;ii‘cd. an no dullicd
l lung mi urn-rod blLlea oi sittislzicimu
; \\ lu-n he could dully no lorigcz he put
i dcun tlic iii: on said

lint lui Llic clouds of today we uould

nut :; ; ii‘LLili- [inc \llllFlllnc oi LUIlll‘l‘l‘L‘l

An nut liu mhursity \vc Would not

' kinm :mppmc», si-Ll

ll untur had made nobtailcd coons

thur would hci bin no rabbits scz be

An we wmkcd an lziuuhcd nu poltcd
curl; other

l‘l‘uV us to the openin of the show 1
UNION n putlu'tlc SpL-cch mgzirdin iii} llvci
rcguluiur iii) the 5&1on lontcu up L“: bullli'r
l “21> kccrlul to rccomim-ml it tux inc liv
er only an sich ptfl‘n‘flh it: bought it to
curc consumption did M) at their own risk
up must not hold inc rcspizuqnlc 1 had
slubsly begun to uuwmu my punurum) an
start on my intcrcstin lcctur when ti crit
icr rose up in the cultivated audience on
sex

Stranger thought l as you a question

Without fear of bciii shot M"

' i’c mought scz l

"l‘ncn i would like to know yer ochck
in sbuwin this show:

“To boost upun clcvntethe moral stand-
ln oi llll human crittcrs scz l

"l‘hcn it s u sort ol mishuuury work?‘

ScZ he

'a‘hc be The small charge lur udinish‘
un is only to buy boss feed an postage

stamps ‘

"That teches my heart." sen he “I‘ve
bin teelin a. wave of goodness wavin over
me ever sincel read your Signs on the out-
side of the tent. an now my emoshuns hev
filled my eyes “‘ltb tears

An as I went ahead his tears tell. an be
wept, an the mayor bimeby got up an
said he'd passed through some tryin scenes
in his life. but nuthin like this had ever
softened him up so much belore By the
time 1 showed the pictur oi Noah loadln
up his art hall the people were in tears.
an 1 was so ufiectcd myscll that my vorcc
almost failed me Things was goin beau
tifully when an ole sass riz up on one of
the back seats an yells

"l am is Seen] no mew! in that percushun
an i want ye no gin bun a show '

"The mcwl's back that behind the
camels. m L

Melina be or an menbe he s bin left to

drown. sane “ll he's that trot him
in main or the camel it he's hm throvvcd
down on mum of his ears. l'ni in: rats
in a now right 06. '

is“

p1. ‘< l.

 

With another

 

 

 

-i\‘E-lBER

‘26

, . -. . mm so themayor
1.; out be was sot in

1... Hum: out This

A ll u“

1.“ [mu :<

, . n . sum an llh~§cd up tbc
. . - .-,.. .; ui damage on fell w
'.\l ~ ‘ 45
. ~ . .i m I‘JJTnVW' Bulls W on
L”! '- .. Hull
-.:.\ LIKI? in £1? (:35!) at the door
v. i... . x. . n- gnu. 5.11 out ol a hole in the
Cain 1:
ll \mm uidn t snow bis buncss the

unu. r~..:n-1i rtl “'31:! Ali-H“: his
An l but hi1: up an llllhfl on 351 flit my
dihxlt'flcc was Dlll‘rh'l‘u‘ 5“ (My soul at
My >lL.-\= Hi smug
izcncrul Shownmn sud Philosopher
-l\ewurk Adi-certi-ri

 

Schoolgirls Crltlcln n Mom

It is interesting to watch the attitudes
and the expressions on the faces of the
multitudes of pwple who go to see the
Sistine Madonna of Raphael at the great
art gallery in Dresden It is perhaps the
highest example of human art. It repre—
sents the Holy Virgin with the Child in
her arms appearing to St. Sixtus and St.
Barbara, with two cherubs looking over
the balcony beneath, says a. foreign corre-
spondent of the Chicago Record. It brings
hundreds of thousands of dollars to the city
every year. It occupies a. room in a dis-
tant corner a” the royal gallery without
anything else to distract the attention. and
seats have been placed around the walls
for the benefit of those who desire to study
it. Some stand rapt Others kneel to
prov as if the Mother of Christ were a. liv-
ing being. Some kneel and cross them.
selves, while others coolly inspect the cam
vus with the nirof critics and connoisseurs.

One day a beyy of schoolgirls came to
see the painting They stopped suddenly
before it, and one of them, more impres-
sionable than the rest, exclaimed, “Mercy.
isn’t it beautiful!"

“Yes," replied another, with a draw],
“but don‘t you think it would look better
it the Virgin were a little taller?”

 

Gum, Mackerel.

It is not generally known toamateur
fishermen that the common mackerel of
commerce is a game Ilsh and when at all
hungry will take the fly and fight as pluck-
ily :is the brook trout They have to be
played skillfully, us their mouths are very
tcndcr. but the booking and successful
landing of u .\'o. 1 mackerel, which often
weighs- cwo or three pounds, with a rod
and reel, is worthy of the most skillful
flshcrmun.——Pittsburg Dispatch.

 

The World’s Tunnel.

Tho tunnels of the world are estimated
to mnnbvruboui 1.142. with a total length
of 51+ miles. There are about 1.000 rail-
road tunnels, 12 subaqueous tunnels, 90
canal tunnels and 40 conduit tunnels.

 

A Noble Work.

The Woman’s Relief corps, in na-
tional convention at Bufl‘alo, has accom-
plished a noble work. According to the
report made by the national president,
Mrs Agnes Hitt of Indianapolis, “it
has endowed and supports anational re-
lief corps home for the wives and moth-
ers of soldiers and dependent army
nurses; it has led in the founding of
homes in Michigan, Iowa. Wisconsin.
California. Illinois, Indiana and Mis-
souri; it founded and supports the me-
morial home in Pennsylvania, ; it secured
legislation for the founding of a. home
in New York; it; secured the legislation
that provides government aid to the des-
titute army nurses; it established indus
trial training for girls at the Ohio Or-
phun ‘5 home : it; has built; memorial halls
and monuments, and it secured a united
movement for patriotic teaching and a
flag on every schoolhouse."

An Eccentric Author.

Those familiar with Paul de Kocs
could 57.1%” the nature 01 the novclist‘
work 6‘5” a glance at his dress When
writing a comparatively serious chap-
ter. be always wore a frock coat of
military cut and ornamented with frogs.
If engaged on lighter VVl rk, his costume
consisted of a blue flannel dressing
gown and an elaborately embroidered
smoking cap.

 

She Found Out.

A Boston lady stood on the dock oi
the little bump non-(i Octnuvthu slum--
cr in Florida. nv tl-book 1: 1-1. lrr"::i-.~ttc i.
hand, risking pondcrous questions of :

lzy roustubout.

“Is the alligator amphibious?” “'3‘
fine of her questions.

Thc dorky scratched his head. I:
was a hit puzzlcd. us tili‘l‘i' 11;-(1 bet 1:
more com pone than dlCEil 11.117 in bi:
bringing up, but his Quick vit zuu'
Batman} logic did not desert him as l}:
replica:

"I rcckon he am, mics‘. Hcdriue bit
yo” 511mm of yo’ monkcy wid him. “-—

New Orleans Pi 11}'12.218.

 

The Plural.

Boarding School Tcucbcr—And nov.
Edith. tell me the plum}. of baby.

Edith (promptlyPTWV'iiis—Pick Lit
Up.

Autobiographical.

The self made man was :ix‘aking lEr
said: "My lather Was a. raiser or has
There was a. large family of us. " And tiicl.
his mice was drowned by the applause.—
Nuggcts

 

Bad to Lie There.

‘Is he a truthful inan?‘

“Why. yes—that is. outsidc of the c:
cling club. "—Chicago Po=t

Another Hypothesis.

Wealthy a: UGlcllcl Hi: Bifl acts so
like when w: are alone i
verili :x'iimt h; l: in love

Him." um l’crlmps be is in debt-—
Detroit J~"l' a»...

pulp-ism;

 

Furnished the Hunt.

'1cachcr-— i-rizz tell me the name of the
“11118.! that furnishes us with hams

"The butcher ' —Pliiiadelphla Times

Subscribe tor the Voice, 81 a. your.

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